A Letter to My 1st Born Son

It's been quite some time since I wrote a blog. My dad has been on hospice over a year now and I've finally decided that I can't sit around not doing anything to help myself and others in my capacity of a Mindset Transformation Coach. I am currently working to revamp my product offering and clearing out my personal mental clutter surrounding my dad's slow decline and other family stress. As in any situation, I can't help others if I'm not in the right frame of mind. Which brings me to this... and the process of letting go of the past, a key concept covered in my Massive Mindset Shift® program.

Dear 1st Born Son,

On June 18, 1999, I became a mom for the first time.  It was a painful experience that brought so much joy to my life.  Over the next 26 years there were tears of joy and tears of sorrow.  As much as I like to joke that I am perfect, I do know some have other perspectives.  Motherhood doesn’t have a one size fits all handbook.  We all come to the experience with different perspectives of how and what we should do as mothers. 

However, I do believe there are a few common denominators for most moms.  First and foremost, moms want to protect their offspring and second, we do what we do with unconditional love to raise our children so that they can head out into the world as productive, successful individuals when they come of age.

Birds leave the nest within their first 30 days of life.  Deer fawns leave their mothers between 1 and 2 years of age, while Bears leave their momma between the ages of 2 and 3.  Humans on the other hand tend to stay quite a bit longer.  More time, can equal more mistakes and misunderstandings between mother and child. Hearing that you, my eldest child, felt you had a horrible childhood cuts me to the core, but it also makes me genuinely curious about myself as I raised two boys with completely different perspectives of the same events. 

I’m sure I’ve made what can be perceived as mistakes along the way.  Giving you dating advice, confiding in you about my own experiences, not letting you go out on your own sooner or even giving you too much and spoiling you, could all be perceived as mistakes.  However, I can assure you that anything I said or did was simply out of love and or to protect you from what I perceived as a danger or a threat.  Wanting you to avoid heartbreak or making mistakes I had in my past.  My words and actions were based on the sum of my experience and the knowledge available to me at the given time.

I am whole heartedly sorry for any emotional turmoil you feel about the past and present.  I have learned along my journey; every situation and experience can be perceived as both positive and negative based on perspective.  I thought all I did was positive, while you perceived it as negative.  So now, here I am looking retrospectively at the things you have brought to my attention.  The pain in your voice and eyes is mine.  I am one with you.

I acknowledge my part in your past and current situations.  I’ve used my past training to see both the perceived positives and perceived negatives in what has transpired between us.  I am grateful for all aspects and what I have learned and am learning from it.  For instance, you needing to now leave your home which I own.  Yes, I have brought this upon you just as your actions have led me to make the decision to send you out into the world.  This month you will be 26 years of age; it’s time for you to spread your wings and not be dependent on my aid. For me this is both heartbreaking and freeing and I would hope you feel the same.  That is the balance of life the perceived positives and perceived negatives wrapped into one event.

I have accepted all that comes with this.  Your anger and sorrow that have led you to stop talking to me.  That anger and sorrow is mine as well.  But acceptance and letting go are key to finding peace.  I have gone through the grieving process over the past 6 months.  From when our turmoil began to now, I can say I’ve completed the 5 Stages of Grief: 1) Denial and Isolation, 2) Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression and 5) Acceptance.  I can only hope your journey through this process has ended as well.

I have found my peace.  I hope you have a wonderful birthday, wish you and your small family well and pray someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me as I forgive you. I pray that someday, our family unit will heal. I move forward with love in my heart for you.

Love Always and Forever,

Your B.A.D.A.S.S of a Mom

I AM a Balanced Aware Dynamic Amazing Successful Soul